Rules of Conversation: The Basics of Communication

Whether in conversations with colleagues, in staff meetings with supervisors, or in customer meetings or sales pitches - in every conversation there is a sender who conveys a message and a receiver who takes in what is said. Effective communication requires that both sender and receiver understand a message and are able to overcome any obstacles or challenges that may arise during the communication process. This means that not only the message sent - be it verbal or non verbal - must be correctly decoded by the receiver. At the same time, factors such as the environment, the relationship between sender and receiver, and the expectations and norms of the communication situation must be taken into account. It is not uncommon for conversations to be disrupted by disturbances and distractions of a physical or semantic nature, for example, and this presents a challenge in conducting the conversation. However, by following certain rules of conversation management, conversation can be well managed and misunderstandings avoided.

The structure of the conversation - the framework for your success

Basically, a conversation can be divided into four phases:

1. Conversationstart: at the beginning of a conversation or basically when first getting to know each other, contentious topics should be avoided. It is okay to talk about politics when you know someone a little better. However, when you meet someone for the first time, it is better to be on neutral ground, which is why many people talk about the weather. This is where the "small talk" comes in.
2. Information phase: Once you have exchangedinformation about how you are feeling at the moment, how to get to the meeting or the weather, the actual conversation begins. In this phase of the conversation, all participants are informed about the topic to be discussed and possible points of view and expectations are communicated.
3. Negotiation phase: Regardless of whether a conversation actually involves negotiation or not, there is almost always a negotiation phase. Here the participants argue for their respective opinions and ideally come to a common solution.
4. Conclusion of the conversation: After agreeing on a common solution, all important points and to-dos that develop from a conversation are repeated and summarised.

Use these 15 rules of conversation management to lead goal-oriented conversations.

In order to be able to achieve your own goals in a conversation with colleagues, a manager, customers or negotiating partners and to achieve the most positive conclusion possible, it can be helpful to use certain conversation techniques and to observe the rules of conversation management:

1. go into your conversation with clear goals.

Only those who have a clear idea of what is to be addressed in the conversation can achieve their desired result. Therefore, prepare your conversation extensively in advance and have your arguments ready. If the appointment is initiated by you, you are expected to take the directive and lead the conversation. This is best done with structured preparation.

3. listen actively

In addition to communicating one's own concerns, an important rule of conducting a conversation is to listen actively to the other person. This means not only taking in the other person's words, but also taking into account non-verbal signals and emotions. Give your conversation partner your undivided attention. Reaching for your smartphone or checking your email box not only signals disinterest, but prevents you from actually picking up on all the important information. For a successful conversation, it is important to understand exactly what your dialogue partner wants to tell you and what their needs are. At the same time, active listening shows respect and signals that you are interested in the conversation.

4. show interest & ask questions

Show your dialogue partner that you are interested in what is being said by listening actively. Respond to what is being said and ask questions in order to really understand your counterpart's point of view and steer the conversation in the desired direction. Be sure to use open-ended questions and encourage your counterpart to think and share his or her thoughts. Closed questions that can only be answered with yes or no disrupt the flow of the conversation or lead to an abrupt end to the conversation. By following this rule of conversation and asking questions, you will get more information about the person you are talking to or negotiating with and their needs, and you will encourage the exchange of information. However, keep your questions to a minimum and do not pester your counterpart with too many questions, but also respond to the answers.

5. Use body language

Another important rule of conversation is the use of body language. Besides the content of the conversation, non-verbal communication contributes to a large extent to the successful outcome of a meeting. For example, an open body posture, direct eye contact and appropriate facial expressions and gestures can convey to your conversation partner that you are attentive and interested in him or her and what is being said. Show that you have understood what is being said by nodding. On the other hand, avoid folding your arms and avoiding eye contact, thus conveying rejection or disinterest.

7. be open-minded & unbiased

An important rule of conversation is to avoid prejudice, stereotyping and inflexibility. If you enter a conversation with a bias, it is very likely that you will misunderstand or treat your conversation or negotiation partner unfairly. Listen objectively and try to be open to new opinions, ideas and perspectives. Consider new information or changing circumstances and possibly let your counterpart convince you of a different opinion. This promotes a productive and respectful conversation where both parties can learn from each other.

8 Communication at eye level: Show appreciation and respect for your counterpart.

In order for everyone involved in the conversation to be able to express their point of view and their concerns, and so that a proper dialogue can come about at all, you should observe the next rule of conducting a conversation and avoid interrupting. This is not only the basis for a good conversation, but shows that you respect your counterpart.

Also, accept the opinions and thoughts of your counterpart, even if you do not agree with them. Avoid condescending or insulting language and instead value the opinion and feelings of your conversation partner. By expressing interest in the other person's experiences, you also create the basis for a positive climate of conversation.

10. Mastering Conversations with Confidence: Don't Lose Focus

Depending on the type of conversation, a conversation is considered successful when one or both parties have expressed their concerns or a common solution has been found. For example, in negotiations, when something has been agreed upon. To achieve your personal conversation goal, it is important to keep the conversation relevant. Make sure your statements are well understood and clearly formulated. Avoid irrelevant information, do not digress from the topic and focus on the essentials. If you notice that you or your counterpart are digressing from the main topic, try to get back to the original topic.

11. deal with criticism appropriately

Every person is different and brings different perspectives, experiences and backgrounds to a conversation. Depending on the occasion of the conversation, you may want to express criticism yourself or you may have to take it. If you are criticising, you should formulate your criticism objectively and give clear reasons for it. As the critic, on the other hand, you should accept criticism and not adopt a defensive attitude. Constructive criticism helps you to develop further and is usually not to be understood as a personal attack.

12. Managing Conflict

Conflicts are an inevitable part of discussions and not negative per se. Facilitate a win-win situation in a conflict conversation by refraining from accusations and nastiness and instead seeking a compromise together. Conflict resolution skills can contribute to a more harmonious and productive conversation and avoid difficult situations.

13. The tone makes the music

Especially in conversations where criticism is potentially being voiced, the right tone of voice is of great importance. Even if you feel anger, avoid expressing it aggressively and maintain a calm and friendly demeanour. This rule of conversation is the basis of successful communication.

15. ensure a positive end to the meeting

Always end a discussion positively and never leave it in conflict. Even if you do not reach an agreement or you could not achieve your wishes and goals, it is important not to end the conversation angry.

Conclusion: 15 rules of conversation management

Although the content of a conversation is important, there are some rules of conversation management that contribute significantly to the success of a conversation. Often, conversation partners enter a conversation unprepared in order to assert their own interests and to try to convince the other person of their opinion. By following the 15 rules of conversation, you will be able to remain confident throughout the conversation, respond to your conversation partner and use the right conversation techniques to ensure a successful outcome for both sides. Do you need further support to improve your communication skills? With our communication trainings you can successfully develop them further.